10 Ways to be a Playful Lover

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Want to let Play 

bloom
your Lover Playground
wide open?

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Playing in love is one of the most delicious & tricky kinds of play. But here are 10 simple tips to make is easy.



There are nine million ways to play in love. Here are the first ten that occurred to me.  I’d love to hear yours.

1.  Don’t hoof it, Hell Yes it

“To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.”― Oscar Wilde

Obligation slows down … pretty much anything worth having or doing.  If you are thinking of something as obligatory, you haven’t yet found a playful angle, or the gifts of it, and you’re going through it at half speed, which means, only half of you is really there, which, is not that fun for people who are partnering with you, or who are trying to.  Learning how to find hell yesses, and how to turn up our willingness to a situation so that it can become a hell yes is a nifty trick.  Have you ever noticed that the most attractive and popular people are the ones who are totally into what they’re doing?  It’s because they’re operating out of their yes, and all of life is collaborating in the key of yes. That’s SEXY.

2.  Stop being a Nancy Drew of the Shadows

“With each statement of need and justification, you unwittingly reinforce the vibration of your current unpleasant situation, and in doing so, you continue to hold yourself out of vibrational alignment with your new desire and out of the receiving mode of what you are asking for… As long as you are more aware of what you do not want regarding a situation, what you do want cannot come to you.”   – Abraham Hicks

Problems compel our attention.  A problem, by it’s very nature is compelling.  But in a Universe where like is drawn to like, giving lots of energy to our problems, only brings more of them our way.  Especially since all the time we’re sleuthing it up, and tracking down every past life where you felt sad about avocados, you’re not dreaming things forward, appreciating or dancing with your lover honeykins on the rooftops of your life.  Start being a sleuth of the lit up spots.  Let yourself get fascinated by the stuff going right.  Locate there.

3.  Play. Together. a LOT.

“Play from your fucking heart!” – Bill Hicks

I know this may seem redundant in an article about how to play together as lovers, but it’s so freaking important to all the whirling zones of your life, the parts  that you share and the parts you don’t that it needs an all by itself mention.  How important?  So much!  Read this beautiful thing about how playing more makes everything better, but especially lover play.  When we play, truly play, we have to be our pared down elemental selves. And sharing time in that space helps us from getting kooky about who we think the other person is. We KNOW who they are, we just played with them an hour go. They’re splendid, light, funny, available, adventurous…  They’re the person we keep playing inside of love with, and therefore the person we can’t help but stay IN love with.

4. Mind ur own business!

” (Mind your own business)
‘Cause if you mind your business, then you won’t be mindin’ mine.”   – Hank Williams Jr.

Even IF it were possible to mind your lover’s business for them, it’s super boring (puppet make bad mates) and also, all the time we’re spending (trying) to mind their business, our own business is going untended, unloved, weeds o’er taking the garden, pick your metaphor, either way, no good, also, you’re interrupting your lover hearing their own clear beautiful inspired urges.  And people who act from clear inspiration are the sexiest, most alive and delicious people in the world.  Mind your own business, become that own person, and have fun trusting your lover to do the same.  Trust is fun to play around in.

5.  In trouble moments, fuzz ur eyeballs

 “When you’re not entrapped by another person’s appearance or behavior, you can see behind all that to a deeper level of their being because your mind has tuned itself; you shifted your focus just that little bit to see their soul. That soul quality is love.”   –  Ram Dass

Often problem situations stay problem longer than is fun because we’re caught up in trying to take the logic train on a situation.  Or we take the person at their word, even though, more often than not, when we’re distraught, our understanding of ourselves is not uptodate and the things we’re saying are wobbly. It’s easier to just deal with the energy beneath the situation.  When things fall apart, deal with energy beneath the situation: mind your vibrational tone, rather than trying to take the logic train on the situation,  do your energy work, and shift the situation from the inside out rather than getting into the surface drama. 

6.  Get good n’ bored, together

“The imagination needs moodling,–long, inefficient happy idling, dawdling and puttering. ”  – Brenda Ueland

Let yourselves be bored together, just the two of you, bored.  Nothing to do.    Seriously.  The best games of childhood erupted when you were laying in the grass bored out of your nutz.   In that languid, idle space, there is room for genius and inspiration to bloom.  Not to mention how much the whush up out of the boredom is intoxicating.  And in the stillness of the “boredom” you’ll be able to taste the fullness of being alive, together, and this is a very fun kind of thing to bond over, and to know about each other.  It let’s you really get on a thing, together.  Let’s you journey together.  Let’s you play, without an agenda in sight, together.

7.  Be slutty about your play elevators

“Life isn’t as serious as the mind makes it out to be.” ― Eckhart Tolle

When you’re in a low space, together, the tendency is to try and fix the thing you’ve been focusing you on that’s bringing you low, but, from that vantage, you’ve got no access to the solutions, and while playing seems impossible in those moments, it’s also one of the few things you can do to distract yourselves from your pristine focus on the shit, and break the cycle.  It also restores your energy, and your vantage. When you’re really deep in play, you’ve got no split vibes going and all of Life is whushing through you.  You feel like you again. You can see.

8.  Tend your own Secret Gardens

“I will not die an unlived life. I will not live in fear of falling or catching fire. I choose to inhabit my days, to allow my living to open me, to make me less afraid, more accessible; to loosen my heart until it becomes a wing, a torch, a promise. I choose to risk my significance, to live so that which came to me as seed goes to the next as blossom, and that which came to me as blossom, goes on as fruit.” ― Dawna Markova

If we are sated and well pleased in our selves, we bring this to the relationship.  We find delight and pleasure in this world by playing.  When we tend our own secret gardens, by following the wild urges, by saying yes to the dictates of our greedy hearts, we stay in balance with ourselves, and we bring this innate balance to our dance with our lover.  When we play by ourselves, we know ourselves in a working kind of way, a way you can take to the bank and so we can stay tuned to our particular needs, easily, even as we play very fully and deeply with another.

9.  Feed the good wolves, together

“An old Cherokee chief was teaching his grandson about life.

“A fight is going on inside me,” he told the young boy, “a terrible fight between two wolves.  One is evil, full of anger, sorrow, regret, greed, self-pity and false pride.  The other is good, full of joy, peace, love, humility, kindness and faith.”

“This same fight is going on inside of you, grandson…and inside of every other person on this earth.”

The grandson ponders this for a moment and then asks, “Grandfather, which wolf will win?”

The old man smiled and simply said,

“the one you feed.”

Sometimes lover play coincides with living together and running a life, a family, a business, whatever, so we talk about all those things.  And sometimes we forget that what we give our attention to, we get more of. And in that forgetting, we talk about stuff that’s bothering us, and the things we don’t like about others and while there’s nothing wrong with these ways of talking, you are feeding the wolves you don’t want to win.  You can install a layer of grace and delight into your relationship by deciding to savor together often and with honesty, by asking each other what you love about this or that, by being willing to buck the current of being cool and griping about the state of the nation, and be the lovely one who is feeding the wolves full of kindness and faith.

10.  Play in dreams together

“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving.”  ― Albert Einstein

What is fun for us, is fun because it locates us on our path.  And our path carries us to our dreams.  If you’re not having fun, you’re off the path to your dreams. If you’re not having fun together, you’re not on your dream path together.  (Yeah, I totally took the logic train on that one)  One way to get back on path is to play IN your dreams.  Loverman and I like to play Dream Pong, which is a game where we easily and naturally share the parts of our dreams that are freshest and most exciting. In this way, I don’t just know the daily him, but the always becoming him too.   And keeping my sights on the bigness of him, lets me love him in a huge, delicious, and yeah, kind of dreamy way.

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