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heyo bFullSizeRender-4eauties!

This is a shout out from the road, or, more accurately, The Emerald Coast. It really is emerald.  And manatees really are as fun to swim with as I thought they might be. Wow.

The Travel by Yes mission, now in it’s 11th month, is bringing us deeper than ever into some new fascinating insights about how Flow State & playfulness want to samba with each other and make life easier and way way way more fun and flowy. It’s thrilling. We’re joy guinnea pigs most days.

Which means this guinnea pig has had to learn how to do a lot more Buoying. those little, on purpose play moments that keep the momentum of joy rolling and easy to access.  Sometimes I slip into them on accident.  They help me not get mired or slip under the Blanket of Seriousness and Forgetting.

And that’s where a dare comes in …

Recently, one of my teammates issued a dare to the world, to try your hand at a 100 Gratitude list, where you get yourself into a kind of appreciative frenzy. It takes some finagling to really pull this off, and in order to do it right, you have to keep tuning in.

At the point with others jump off the ship, you steer harder into the turn, find a deeper joy, a stronger whiff of glee.  When she gave the dare, I shied away from it. I have done these. Old hat.  It’s for others.

The next day, I found myself alone at a park, in a state I’ve never been, tired and a bit sick. Everyone was playing and I was half-heartedly twiddling with a piece of sidewalk chalk, bored, tuned out. And then I remembered the dare.

And I remembered the bigger bit about JOY and how freaking important it is.  And so, I began.

It was so much harder than I thought.  Writing that much with sidewalk chalk over rough terrain is surprisingly arduous.  After I began, I leaned into it, which means, I actively marshalled my focus into the task at hand, what is good in my life? What makes my heart glad?  How can I steer into the fun of this dare?  Where is the center of my joy?

About halfway through, some of the team appeared, and jumped in. By that time, I was deep in flow state, locked into the rhythm of the gladness, and the writing, locked into the happy task, the bigness of it, the glory of it, how impossible and fantastic it was.

When the team, and my PRECIOUS AMAZING CHILDREN started helping me, so that we were sharing this amazing goal, and

playing deeply together in what we love,

I nearly cried, no, I totally did, but then the joy went deeper, and I felt myself shifting into that poetic, ethereal shared flow state where we were all moving and laughing and appreciating in harmony, like a murmuration of absolute joy.

I just wanted to share this with you, the sweetness of it, and the usefulness of it.  I hope your heart is blooming, dear friend, and that you find yourself stumbling into more and more moments of genuine play and ease and fun every day.

All my love,

Natalie

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IMG_4504Today my first & most goddess daughter made the teary decision

to move with her boyfriend to Belize (where I had thought I was going too, but as I neared the dream, I realized it was someone else’s, not mine, or not yet mine.  And there is sweetness in that acknowledgement)  But oh, my beloved banana leaving the nest after 18 of the most exquisite years together.

Amidst the many, many layers of tears, I stumbled upon this 3 yr old letter that I actually wrote to her.

Oh, sweet god, more type-crying …

Not because I will miss her, holy hell, will I

but these new tears are for the realization that

it was Me, following an inspiration, 3 years ago, has given myself the exact gift I need today, to be ok

Dear Lovely,

no matter how happiness comes, you have to be willing to its arrival. (And you, my dear goddess daughter, are one of the most willing players I’ve ever known).

We up our willingness by actively looking for what to truly, soul swooningly love about the possibilities and by refusing to fuss at the stuff you don’t.  Refusing even when the monkey mind is insistent, even when the rest of the world wants to wallow. Refusing because you are literally the goddess of New Life and Spring and it is your birthright to be and bring light wherever you go.

Fussing slows down the whush. It creates more and more drag because it draws stuff of a similar quality to it.  Focusing on what’s good purifies what comes in.  Wheels up, take off.  Clouds, wind, sun and higher perspective.

Focusing on what is working, what is good leads you to happiness, which is full of whush. If your happy heart had a finger, it could lick it and stick it out the window and feel the wind coursing by you as you zoom.

The clearer you become, the more sensitive you become and the more you will be able to discern what is calling you, and not all things call equally. As Rumi says, “Let yourself be silently drawn by the stronger pull of what you really love.”

If you simply keep taking the happy elevator up over and over, than you will live a good life, which is, well, good. I mean, Good! But there is a life a few clicks beyond a Good! life and that is a meaningful life. You enter this kind of living, by consistently engaging in things that are meaningful to you. You discover these meaningful places by following your great Happy Urges.

Next time you’re feeling explicitly grand, take a look around, with a very clear heart and very clear listening ears, and you will see that what is calling you, from this great height, are activities, ideas, insights, zoomy woomy yesses, that feel warmer, brighter, more inviting than other ideas. These are your points of entry into a kind of play that allows you to Be in ways that are so satisfying, and, are also are taking you towards your dreams.

Yes, Persephone Quinn Meercat Kinsey-Gray-Clover-Wolverine the Tiger, your life has caused you to dream for yourself. Yes, even beyond the awesomeness that you already are (how is that possible?)

Astonishing thought: there is no end to the awesome you can/will be. And these dreams, some of which span lifetimes, will hail you. It is easiest to hear those hailings when you are very happy, so next time you’re giddy skiddy do, take a gander! The urges from there are so powerful because they sync you up with experiences on your dream meridians, and feel important and exciting to you.

So, the question is not: less of computer? or more of writing? or less of taterbatin’ ? and more of corn spooning?  It’s more of careful listening. These joyous moments float us into our deepest, most satisfying playgrounds where we do the work/play/ninja-lovin’ that we came here to do and when we’re happy we can hear and respond in kind to those epiphanal urges most.

After a deeply immersed writing or arting, ever notice how you feel as if the whole vast river of life has coursed through, leaving you clean, cleared, and infinitely perfect?

Yes well, that’s because it actually has.  Just keep playing.  Great Knowingness always follows great joy.

Love, Mama

And so, as suggested by my older, wiser self, who wasn’t swimming in tears when she wrote this, I want to consciously bring my focus to the parts that are wonderful about now:

my beautiful girl is so IN love

And in love with a splendid manlet. And their relationship is the nicest, clearest love play I’ve seen in, ever.  That’s a wonderful thing to feed. She’s going on a soul expanding adventure of a lifetime.  She’s going into the wilds. She’s going to start something meaningful and to be deeply and powerfully involved. It’s gonna rock her socks and build her wings.

I get to grow bigger and become the next version of myself. I’ve always dreaded the day of Leaving The Nest.  And now I get to live, grow and actively play through one of my biggest fears. Wow.  Who will I be on the other side?

My grid for this:

tending this tender heart

tending this tender heart

Ahhh, it felt better to make some art. To use this energy that keeps wanting to run it’s head against grief and sadness and to let it out the window a little, forge it into something, the forging, the making, it moves away from helplessness and into where the energy can move, can pick me up again.

The art play brought me to a more connected, loving & deeply glad state of being

I felt gladness for her, and ease.  And love. Oh, so much love.  And clarity.  There is no end to  love. It shifts and grows. I’ll always be her Mum. The games we get to play together shift now, and will always shift. I’m curious about the next fun, the next closeness, sweetness and adventures.

I’m curious about your deep and tender playing with now moments.  We’re slowly building a nexus of conscious players here are so glad you’ve found us. Would love to have you shout out and introduce yourselves and your journey below.

Love,

Natalie

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This is NOT me, sadly, I wish it was. My body-imposed cavegirl diet is costing me MY LUSCIOUS BUTT

Tonight I biked hard for the first time this year. And by hard, I mean, racing vehicles hard. I was giddy with the new buds of late winter pushing up already in the deep South. I was giddy to be on my pony again and super giddy from this week of deep play in the online playshop Money Boogie.

Considering the depths of my joy, it’s surprising to think that it took me a full three minutes to realize that I might be dying.

And then another SOLID minute or two to make the decision to get off my bike. That seems like a fair bit of lag time for such a critical feeling situation.

I laid there in the sun, kind of sort of bleeding from the chest. I’d recently gotten some kind of lung funk and hadn’t realized the extent of it until I PLAYED THIS HARD.

You know where this is going.

This is a metaphor.

Okay, so, when you are sitting down on the couch, you may never know you have a tender spot in your foot, or whatever. It is in the wondrous activation of deep play that we encounter, and play with and love into and EVENTUALLY play through those wobbly bits.

But there is no rush to get through. Life is delicious. The stillness is delicious. All of the all of it, is so very very delicious.

I discovered the joy of pain as I laid there in the new sun, hurting so effing bad and so effing alive. And I realized that my lungs want some love. And so I breathed the thousand healing smiles inside of the sun down into my lungs and Nidra-ed my insides back into calm and realzied that I had found my pace again.

For a moment, I’d eagerly pony-jumped ahead of the pace of my delight AND THAT’S FUN TOO, because damn it life IS EXCITING and if you aren’t eagerly leaping ahead, you aren’t in range of the thrills that are your birth right, but for a sustained playful existence, I prefer staying close to the pace of my delight.

Mmm, roll that around a moment: The pace of my delight.

What other freaking pace is there?

Okay, here’s the helpful bits:

You can tell you’re leaving it when you start to feel more anxious than excited. You can tune back the pace a bit by doing a calming breathing or taking a quick five minute stroll or boogie to your favorite song.

You can tell you’re finding the pace because the excitement feels just right, the joy feels Just Right, YOU FEEL JUST RIGHT BECAUSE YOU ARE.

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The pace of your delight is the pace of allowing.

Really, when you get down to it, it’s the only pace in town.

Happy delighting! Happy perfect now, however it finds you, it’s perfect, and the moment you decide it is, you find the pace again …  ahhh …
Love, Yee Old Bloody Lung Kinsey

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Quick announcement! I shall henceforth be calling my blog a blerg, for two super important reasons. 


One, It’s funny, and Two, 
it makes me laugh.(and the word blog never has and likely never ever will for the foreseeable, never going to be funny future)

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Did you miss this old meme? It’s taken over my family’s joke life. I mean jerk lerf.

Beneath this silly decision is an acknowledgement that sometimes the house in which a thing lives can keep visitors out.  When I think of a blog, all this serious crud fills mah brain.

 When I think of doing a blerg, I laugh, and a berber herperpertermerse floats through my brain like a champagne bubble.  

Also, it’s Liz Lemon’s favorite word. 
‘Nuff said.

Therefore, 
welcome to my blerg. 
 

Not only is changing how you talk about a thing one Tony Robbins favorite tools to stay light and conscious, but it’s also a poet’s favorite tool.  The right metaphor can liberate a silent things into an expression that creates a bridge into a brand new reality.  Check out this portion of Jack Gilbert’s poem “The Forgotten Dialect of the Heart”  How does your feeling about “love” change as you flow through?

Love, we say,
God, we say, Rome and Michiko, we write, and the words
get it wrong.

When the thousands
of mysterious Sumerian tablets were translated,
they seemed to be business records. But what if they
are poems or psalms?

My love is a hundred
pitchers of honey. Shiploads of thuya are what
my body wants to say to your body. Giraffes are this
desire in the dark.

What in your life wants to be 100 pitchers of honey but is stuck behind some outdated word? Can we play it open? Can we honey-chop, flambé, and triple lux the word houses that we choose to invite others into our experience?  Pick a word, an idea that wants reinvention … post in comments below, then let’s play the next reality open!

Once you come into alignment with your own connection to the great creative life energy, it’s fun and expansive to connect with others in creative play and in love.

The entire field quivers at the slightest twinge of pain or pleasure.  In other words, the field is aware.

Deepak Chopra

 

As we meander deeper into this whole Being a Company Thing, we are learning how to play with and in business. 

Not like we see the world doing, but what feels fun and meaningful and good to us.  Everyday we hone, get closer in, laugh more. 

Here’s what we got so far:

Don’t make decisions from a place of misalignment.
If you feel bad or urgent, you’re not seeing it properly. Get your ninja focus on and come back into alignment with your larger self. Then look. Then decide.

Play it through, until you play it New.  Often there’s a big release, epiphany or deep fun just beyond the cranky/tired/give up phase.  Be particular when you’re about to quit.  Do you just need a nap or a breath?

Be grateful for and focus upon the Yesses and grateful for and willing to bounce off the No’s.  No’s bring clarity and are essential to growth, but when we deal with them by complaining and lamenting, we start to live in the no’s and the organization follows where our focus is.  Build a yes centered culture using Appreciative Inquiry, shared Gratitude practices, and Conscious Play tools.

Be brave about tending and sharing your dreams.
What we’re truly excited about naturally gets most of our resources. A company that learns to play in dreams together, consistently, begins to channel resources powerfully.

Holy Shmeeemooobles, take care of yourself, first.
People who are happy, are SO POWERFUL and have SO MUCH MORE TO GIVE than people who haven’t tended their own ecosystem of joy. Working at the Play Nexus means a steady dialogue with joy.

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Today is our 90th day birthday!  
Whee HAWWWW!!!  We’ve been home-free & yes-bloomin’ for 90 days.  As Dickens likes to say, “it was the best of times, it was the most expansive of times…”  Wait, I think I’m misquoting.  But it has been one hootenanny of an adventure.

Let’s begin with a word about promises, especially all the ones we made at the beginning.  There’s a a chance that they may have been just a scoche cavalier. Like how a mother-to-be promises to scrapbook and journey every precious moment in her baby’s life, and then barely manages to scribble a single entry: “tomorrow you’re one!  Wowee! Mommy’s tired!”
For example, that whole, “we’ll blog regularly and let you all know what we’re doing thing every step of the way” thing was so much easier said than done!  Some days so much of our energy was going into the wing building that becomes super necessary when you deliberately hurl yourself off a cliff.  Also, about half way through, one of our members attracted in someone with less than wholesome intentions, so telling everyone where we were in every moment stopped being a yes (see Season of Shadow Dancing below).  But it’s been, bar none, the most exhilarating, life changing, thrilling and gorgeous time of our lives, so here’s a little of what we’ve learned along the way …
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1. There are seasons of slow travel.  There is a Season of Much Goingness, where the days are centered around Hard Travel, and there’s a Season of Stop Moving and Be Here and Receive Many Gifts. There is a Season of Yearning, and a Season of Delicious Balance, where everything is going well, and though growth opportunities still exist, mostly all the systems are clicking smoothly into place and there are no huge gaps. Which leads me to probably my favoritist one which is the Season of The Huge Gap, where you discover a brand new desire that you didn’t even know you had, and in the moment of discovery, you’re far from it. In the Season of The Huge Gap, you begin the oh so, oh so delicious journey towards this brand new dream.  And then there is the season we just passed through, a Season of Shadow Dancing, where something you didn’t know you have in your vibrational Craw becomes really REALLY clear. Here the structure of the travel keeps you so wide awake that you can’t numb out or ignore, so you listen, dance with, play into, and allow the energy to unstick, to flow again, and release stuff you’ve had stuck for eons.Sometimes the seasons line up perfectly with the natural cycles of the earth, like how the season of Shadow Dancing bloomed open for us in a blistering Omaha summer,  which was like being in a sweat lodge.  The things that we had ignored in our previous lives were suddenly there, ready to be played open into the highest versions of themselves.

It’s been really soothing to discover these seasons.  It lets me relax and stop trying to fight them.  Trying to produce during a Season of Shadow, or a Season of Hard Travel is like trying to cook spaghetti sauce on the wing of a jet in flight.  It’s messy, and impossible in the unfunnest of ways. But now, in this Season of Slowness and Sumptuous Clarity, I can’t stop producing. Songs, activity books, poems, and outlines for new books are just flying out of me like birds out the open window.

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2. Home really, really and freaking truly, is in the Joy.  

Our ideas of home have been so radically challenged by this Travel by Yes mission.  We began where most people begin, “home” refers to a specific house where the bulk of living occurs, and travel takes you away from that.  But embedded in the very notion of slow traveling the world, is the concept that we will be home inside the travel. In fact, we choose it because we believe it’s our current best option of being home in the world.

We’re uncovering and sifting through all these distinctions for ourselves, or as Rilke says, every day, we “live the question.”  When we find ourselves sitting across the table from a new person, who was a stranger two hours ago and is now a soulmate, and we’re sharing our hearts and giving each other the gifts we came to this life experience to give.  During those times, we are no longer thinking, “this kind of intimate, extraordinary connection is only possible while traveling, and soon I will go back to my “home life” because that dichotomy is gone.  There is no “other” life to compel our attention, nothing to go on vacation from.  In the Travel by Yessing, we are discovering how to live within our highest, yessiest choices.

The other day my young son asked me if we were home.  I told him that I feel home when I’m happy.  We were standing in a river and I asked if he was happy. We both agreed we were, and then he yelled out, “I’m home!”  I admit that there’s more to it than that, like beds, and keeping clothes dry, and all of that. But at its core, this truth feels clear, singing, and a beautiful place to stand while we continue to live the question.

And yes, I could and likely will write some really sexy things about our expanded and fluid notions of being an intentional nomadic community at home in the goingness, but suffice it to say here, we’ve realized that our joy is where we come home. And yeah, houses are a nice thing to be in.  Because showers.  And stoves.  And comfy-wumfy beds.  But so are tents, RV’s and the shadow the moon casts on the giant oak I slept beneath last night.  Home, home, home.

3. Dumbledore knew what he was doing, or, Wizardry really is the new black.  

We’ve noticed that when we’re doing our Conscious Play tools regularly, we’re able to show up more authentically as the playful badass butterfly-winged ninjas we are.  We’re not confused or flustered by the pace of this living. We’re up to speed with it and ready to put up more sails, take more wind, say bigger yesses.   But when we just float hither thither without using our CP tools to steer towards our highest yes, we tend to vibrate haphazardly. We give attention to any old thing, and that creates a more dramatic trajectory than any of us have any interest in.  

Ironically, this play company has gotten more serious about tuning our frequency than ever before.  In our prior, pre-leap lives, we could be sloppy with our thinking and draw in strange stuff, but still have a home, and jobs. But out here, in this fast moving stream, it’s more obvious when we’re being careless with our thoughts and drawing in stuff we don’t want to experience.  

Developing the systems and playful rituals that support us in being able to galavant, wizardly forward, has been some of the funnest co-creation I’ve ever been involved with.   And it gets yummier and more magical every day.  Which leads me to the 4th thang:

4. The best is yet to come.  

What an exciting thot!  We’re co-evolving an eco resort and dive shop down in Belize with the Yes-Mamas group. Neverland Beach Resort operates on the principles of Conscious Play and is destined to be one of our favorite places in the world.  We’ve got the first of six activity books in a series called The Yes Book, which helps you play your way through the six core playgrounds in your life coming to press very soon.  We’re scheming out a year of retreats and playshops all around the world, including the First Ever Conscious Play Summit in Maui!  And we’re dreaming forward a super fun contest that involves our RV and $100,000 going to a new Travel by Yes crew before we launch the European section of the tour.  We’re so excited to keep offering our playshops, guerrilla art and dance shenanigans everywhere we go and to keep co-blooming the systems that support us in playing on purpose in our gorgeous lives that we love with every drop.  More discoveries, frontiers, delicious encounters and slow perfect dances! AND next month is YesPlayMess!  Which we’ve been excited about for half a year!

We know we’ve only scratched the surface.  Ninety days has flown by.  So much growth and shared delight, it nearly overwhelms. So many dreams coming true and new dreams being born. We’ve realized that our forever favorite season is the Season of the Next, all shimmery with infinite possibilities.

So much love to all you Yessers out there in your perfect Season of Now.

Love,

The Travel by Yes Crew,

San Francisco, CA

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We’ve just soft-launched the new website. Softly, because, softly feels good for right now.  Softly, I am moving onto the new 100 acres on a river land, and launching the next phase of our play community. Soft and real and listening I go.  Soft, and close to the pulse.  Soft and friendly I stay with my dance in everything.  Soft, loving, connected.  I decided to ditch the old one, entirely.   It lived in a land where I was still in the closet about how effing magical the playful life is.  I wanted to create a new canvas that could accommodate the big, whiz banging leaps that come when you’re playing in being a deliberate creator, when you are addressing the energy beneath a situation instead of reacting to the situation.

I hid that element because I was still in other people’s business.  I was worried that Mom would find it offensive that I believe that I am brimming with the Creative Life force that she calls God, and that where I direct my life energy, is what I create more of.

I didn’t want to link myself with all the people who were talking about Law of Attraction and Being on Purpose in ways that felt cluttered and unfun.    I was worried about being misunderstood  …

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But I’ve realized that my worry about being misunderstood is an integral part of my own process of finding full resonance with something.  It’s a part of the journey to having full permission to be where I am and love what I love and dance how I fucking please.So, the next time I’m worried about being misunderstood I’m going to celebrate that as a very tangible reference point on the journey to big, usable clarity, and the more clear I am, the better my magic is.

I’ve noticed a kind of kind of secretive tendency around success, where we want to cover up our tracks.  To protect our secrets, but that feels really unfun and untrue.  Success, for a clear-hearted player is always going to have an element of what we call ‘energy work’ and will likely involve a magic tool.  Because we live in an ever expanding Universe we must go with the Goingness in order to stay healthy, frolicking and properly Whee-ed.

Before I came out of the magical closet, I was only dealing with the tip of the iceberg.  Now, there is this enormous freedom in my work with players, where I can truly help them discover the magical keys to their own kingdom.  To be whole hearted and totally honest in my play, what a gift to myself.

I’ve noticed that sometimes a player gets stuck where their identity can’t accomodate their forward growth. This was true for me.  I was nervous about perpetuating that myths that play is not meaningful or pivotal to a happy healthy life.  I was protecting my creds.  And now, I’m protecting my delight in going with the Goingness, and using my focus to appreciate and lean into the places where people are playing, deliciously, in the magic.

Celebrations:

Playing lightly and loosely in community has turned over in ways that are 5,000% magical, with 100 acres of riverfront property just landing in our laps, and a whole festival arriving to build our buildings for us, and a fancy boat showing up and there’s buried pirate treasure and an island!  Every morsel of it is more magic and fun than if I had tried to strong arm and make happen, rather than dance lightly and dream forward.

I want More Of:

I want more joining, more comrades, more playmates, more shared delights!  I want more stories of magical connections, Jedi movements, and magic carpet rides through this time space reality.

I want to live in a world where magic is rampant. Where things turn over in ways that feel miraculous, where we’re dancing in the filaments of beingness and the fullness of our dance there releases the hounds of creative power and the dance changes everything. And you wake in a world brand new.

I want more feeling comraded in Being on Purpose.  I want more stories of Jedi lusciousness.  For myself and for others.  I want more of a conversation and acknowledgement around the magical thread inside the brimmingness that is play.

Invitation:

I love being played with and love full conversations.  Magical darlings, where is magic alive for you?  Comment your magic hearts out below…

Playing allows a person to respond with his “total organism within a total environment.”    Viola Spolin

tool:  an open dreaming playground

The backstory:  At an ecstatic dance the other night I watched a woman wail and grieve, without ceasing, for three hours.  I was curious to hear, at the end, what was so big that she needed to stay grieving and not let the play, organically, move her towards joy.

I mean, that’s what play does.  It releases the player from their tangles and moves them towards joy.  Why wasn’t she going?    

She told the group that she was picking up on energy in the room and grieving other’s grief, for them.  In other words, she wasn’t playing.  She was going all bodhisattva and that’s not playing.  Playing moves you towards You.  And you have to be in your business for that kind of motion to work.  

She was all up in everyone else’s business, and so she wasn’t actually home to be moved by the play. She was in in the home of other people’s grief and, in a universe where what you give your attention to, you get more of, she felt grief stricken at the end.

This woman had lost familiarity with how to hang out in joy.   She’d also lost her willingness.  Likely, she is a Helper in this world. someone who wants the world to be wondrous and wants to be integral in helping it be that.  But in her wanting, she’d begun to devalue the power of joy and of buoyancy.  And her dreaming playground was wildly in need of some lovin’ playfulness.  She’d forgotten that we are inherently creators, not wallowers, and that we can use our energy to dream things new, and to go dance.  Dance lightly, curiously, available to the way playing this way links us back into the great flow.

When things go wrong, a lot of us shut down, but a person with a wide open dream playground, will pivot, like a ninja basketball player, and turn from the nasty to the yummy, without needing to have a lot of hang time in the stuff they’re bouncing off of.

Then they will let their beautiful focusing minds bring them to what the yummy would feel like.  

And in this play, these play ninjas are dreaming life forward rather than staying stuck and recreating the past.

Whoopin’ it up in dream & imaginative play returns you to the wonderment of childhood.  You get to spend your time daydreaming, not hopelessly, but actively and with your whole presence.

Your light buoyant play here activates the powers of the Universe.  

And that’s no small-potatoes fun.  

Celebrate: My last dreaming session was all around home.  We did a big creative workshop in our last Playing in the Deep and I found myself entering a near trance state while doing the grid on Home.  I loved feeling into what I was wanting more of, and letting myself fall in love with the act of finding that tone.

Doing the Grid is a process that honors how we create, feeling first.    
So I tuned into the feelings beneath the wanting.  When I’m home, I want to feel:  

          whole heartedly present …   alive  …  cared for  ….   cherished …   in love  …  met   …  dancing with life  …  tribally            snuggled  …  going with the great Goingness  ….  proud  … home  …  launch pad into world adventure travel ….

So, a few days later, we get a call from a woman who feels sure that we need her 100 acre property on a river.  And I feel the zing of  Hell Yes floating in through the round open doors of my life.  Hellz yeah!

Happiness, that grand mistress of the ceremonies in the dance of life, impels us through all its mazes and meanderings, but leads none of us by the same route.      Charles Caleb Colton

The tool:     Full, unrelenting presence to right the f*#@ now…

The backstory:     Soaring through the sky, with nothing but an engine and wings on my back to guide, is dream of mine.   Climbing the rooftops of Paris, on a Spring night, following Quasimodo and the bloom of bougainvillea is a dream of mine too, but I’m not sure any of them would be more meaningfully fun than the moment I shared with my son last night, with him naked in a sling on my back, while I kneeled in the dirt, weaving small a hut for our first humanure composting toilet hut for the play community I live in called Boomtown.  

As I wove, he plucked trees and smalls leaves from above us and wove them into my hair. I was lost to the delight of choosing, this pliant stick, this angle, this beauty, this leaf.  The sun went down and when he saw the moon, he asked me how the moon could hold her moonbabies if she didn’t have arms.  Then he said, oh, the stars are her arms.  

The stars are her arms.  

It’s a teeny bit difficult to articulate the level of joy and presence I felt in that moment, how shiverfish thrilling every single drop, of every bit of this was to me, how the moment afforded me a chance to experience an alchemy of once distinct joys, now merged into a symphony, or how their unique co-mingling deepened their impact on my life and my own ability to be delighted, to feel, to love.  In other words, I experienced meaningful fun.  

Fun that fell along the crossroads of my dream meridians.A dream meridian is a way of talking about all the play you do in an area of your life that matters to you and you’ve spent time dreaming about.  The play you do in this area, locates you on the dream meridian and you get a satisfying and meaningful buzz when you play there.  

That moment nestled me at that crossroads of several dream meridians.  For lifetimes, I’ve dreamed of living in a community of happy players frolic, live lightly and leap around the globe like butterfly ninjas so working on the structures, is. Bliss.   

I perpetually long for an ever deepening connection to the land, and so being available to the land, spending so many hours with inevitable play, up in the roots of life, and pulling the leaves away so the new life can spring forward is literally living the dream.  I love the profound intimacy of my wild and expansive relationships with my children.  To be wide awake, playing in meaningful things, spouting natural poetries and creating a little universe of play, together, well, it made me so willing to the fun of the moment that what some people might call work, was an immersion in deep flow play.

Of course our dreams are unique to a player, but it’s interesting that beneath most of these experiences are the same basic feelings, elation, wonderment, great joy, and a feeling of being so happy and present that you don’t want to be anywhere else in the world. What buzzes for you, what feels delicious, is delicious because it’s locating you on some dream meridian and you should trust that and throw off all the voices in your head that you should be doing something else. 

AND, and this is my favorite part.  Dreams are mostly arbitrary.  

We dream and move forward for the bliss of the movingness, to experience our humanness in new and expansive ways.  Dreaming is life giving.  I used to forget this when I’d beat myself over the head with them, and feel like a failure for not being a Tony Robbins and living all my dreams, today!  Right now!  Do it!  But that’s not the way it is at all!  Our joy is the measure of our success (thanks Abraham-Hicks) not accomplishment.  There are so many layers to accomplishment anyway.  And dreaming and enjoying the imaginative delights are a huge part of any accomplishment.   

How relaxing!  To be all the way there. I like remembering that the moment of conceiving a dream is as delicious, and sometimes more delicious than the actualization of it.  And that all the pieces along the way to a dream are equally as wonderful, but we often miss them because we are so familiar with urgency and discontent.  

Recently a lover told me that he was struggling with a conundrum;  he felt that if he played deeply with me, he would give up on his specific and gorgeous dreams, like being a private pilot on an island in South America.   It was then that I finally realized that I don’t really give a rats ass if I ever skydive from a lear jet going some specific number of miles per hour, or if I ever get to actually dance that little country waltz that Maria and the Captain, in the Sound of Music did.  I loved conceiving the dream.  And imagine that they’ll be super lovely to actually experience, but what I really want is to be happy and well-seated in own my life, and to stay dancing with the flame, to keep having meaningful fun and to feel happy about the trajectory of my life.   Period.  I don’t want more details than that.

I’ve missed a lot of those “naked baby on back, starting poem wars with the night skies” kinds of fun because I was rotted with discontent about feeling behind on my dreams, and was therefore unavailable to the dreamland that is always unfolding.   

So, am I giving up on dreams?  No, not possible.  What we dream for ourselves, we do so because we think they’ll make us happy. When we are happy, we are inside of dreamland.  Who cares what flavor of hallelujah you’re flourishing in right now? 

My action plan:    fuzzing the details on my dreams, turning up my willingness to play FULLY wherever I feel a genuine buzz and letting myself be tsunamied by the delights that come when I’m relaxed and fully present.  In other words, I’m going to let the stars be my arms.