The structure of a play is always the story of how the birds came home to roost. Arthur Miller
The backstory: Sunday, after ecstatic dance, loverMan and I, mid- weekend bender of bliss, HIT A WALL.
And, like a straw can be driven through a tree in a hurricane, the jealousy I felt made me want to explode, to run, to become lava and eat villages with my thousand tongues of fire.
So, we, two brilliant and highly skilled players, made the choice to stop playing. And then just fell to default talking about the serious end of our stuck stuff, from the vantage of the stuck place.
And in this way, we managed to exhaust ourselves and kill most of the day, each of us drooping more with each looping through the tangled web of Problem Town.
In the back of my mind, I knew I need to play but this lava parade into our painful stuck places had so much momentum!
And then, loverMan said something that made me loverman him even more than I do, sadly sucking a smoothie in the Whole Foods Cafe he looked into my eyes and yell-whispered, “this is SO INTENSE, we need to go fucking play!”
I blinked, as though waking from a fever dream. Sweet Jesus, did I need to stop humping the problem. Because, rugburn, is why, and also, I was losing traction on the Me I normally am, happy, fluent, and 87.3% magical.
Could I play? Did I really have a choice?
Luckily, I’ve set up these frolic zones that I keep bumping into, like, that night, I was teaching a playshop.
Lover man and I followed the frolicking, picking up games and rolling with them until we were done, picking up momentum on ourselves, the deeper we played, the more we felt like ourselves.
We got onto the dance merry go round when we were ready, and began to tune in deeper and deeper, leaving more and more of our conditioned selves behind as we got more playful, and more willing to enter the dancing.
Eventually, we entered the dancing so fully that the world literally stopped existing, and there was only the play. Nothing else. Just absolute presence.
Afterwards, we lay on the floor staring at the sky that was suddenly in the studio, and began to speak what we saw, from there from THAT clear, merged, luminous space, and we were intoxicated to have total access to the “solutions” or gifts of the problems we were struggling with earlier.
Having that ritual Playshop in place gave me a steady enough structure to relax and to let go of the problems that felt SO FUCKING COMPELLING. This light, frolicking space, distracted me from the crazy tangle AND invited me to go into the Deep Play of lover dancing.
I want more of this.
I want to be more often interrupted by frolic zones. Easy, play-centered invitations to leave behind confusion. And relax. And Be. Easy, meadow, seeing, happy, free.
Celebrations: The jealous stuck thing turned out to be an invitation to play very deeply. I discovered a new level of loving, no matter what. A kind of super hero skill. I had a dancing date with the thing that crumbled me. Amazing.