to move with her boyfriend to Belize (where I had thought I was going too, but as I neared the dream, I realized it was someone else’s, not mine, or not yet mine. And there is sweetness in that acknowledgement) But oh, my beloved banana leaving the nest after 18 of the most exquisite years together.
Amidst the many, many layers of tears, I stumbled upon this 3 yr old letter that I actually wrote to her.
Oh, sweet god, more type-crying …
Not because I will miss her, holy hell, will I
but these new tears are for the realization that
it was Me, following an inspiration, 3 years ago, has given myself the exact gift I need today, to be ok
no matter how happiness comes, you have to be willing to its arrival. (And you, my dear goddess daughter, are one of the most willing players I’ve ever known).
We up our willingness by actively looking for what to truly, soul swooningly love about the possibilities and by refusing to fuss at the stuff you don’t. Refusing even when the monkey mind is insistent, even when the rest of the world wants to wallow. Refusing because you are literally the goddess of New Life and Spring and it is your birthright to be and bring light wherever you go.
Fussing slows down the whush. It creates more and more drag because it draws stuff of a similar quality to it. Focusing on what’s good purifies what comes in. Wheels up, take off. Clouds, wind, sun and higher perspective.
Focusing on what is working, what is good leads you to happiness, which is full of whush. If your happy heart had a finger, it could lick it and stick it out the window and feel the wind coursing by you as you zoom.
The clearer you become, the more sensitive you become and the more you will be able to discern what is calling you, and not all things call equally. As Rumi says, â€œLet yourself be silently drawn by the stronger pull of what you really love.â€
If you simply keep taking the happy elevator up over and over, than you will live a good life, which is, well, good. I mean, Good! But there is a life a few clicks beyond a Good! life and that is a meaningful life. You enter this kind of living, by consistently engaging in things that are meaningful to you. You discover these meaningful places by following your great Happy Urges.
Next time you’re feeling explicitly grand, take a look around, with a very clear heart and very clear listening ears, and you will see that what is calling you, from this great height, are activities, ideas, insights, zoomy woomy yesses, that feel warmer, brighter, more inviting than other ideas. These are your points of entry into a kind of play that allows you to Be in ways that are so satisfying, and, are also are taking you towards your dreams.
Yes, Persephone Quinn Meercat Kinsey-Gray-Clover-Wolverine the Tiger, your life has caused you to dream for yourself. Yes, even beyond the awesomeness that you already are (how is that possible?)
Astonishing thought: there is no end to the awesome you can/will be. And these dreams, some of which span lifetimes, will hail you. It is easiest to hear those hailings when you are very happy, so next time you’re giddy skiddy do, take a gander! The urges from there are so powerful because they sync you up with experiences on your dream meridians, and feel important and exciting to you.
So, the question is not: less of computer? or more of writing? or less of taterbatin’ ? and more of corn spooning? It’s more of careful listening. These joyous moments float us into our deepest, most satisfying playgrounds where we do the work/play/ninja-lovin’ that we came here to do and when we’re happy we can hear and respond in kind to those epiphanal urges most.
After a deeply immersed writing or arting, ever notice how you feel as if the whole vast river of life has coursed through, leaving you clean, cleared, and infinitely perfect?
Yes well, that’s because it actually has. Just keep playing. Great Knowingness always follows great joy.
And so, as suggested by my older, wiser self, who wasn’t swimming in tears when she wrote this, I want to consciously bring my focus to the parts that are wonderful about now:
my beautiful girl is so IN love
And in love with a splendid manlet. And their relationship is the nicest, clearest love play I’ve seen in, ever. That’s a wonderful thing to feed. She’s going on a soul expanding adventure of a lifetime. She’s going into the wilds. She’s going to start something meaningful and to be deeply and powerfully involved. It’s gonna rock her socks and build her wings.
I get to grow bigger and become the next version of myself. I’ve always dreaded the day of Leaving The Nest. And now I get to live, grow and actively play through one of my biggest fears. Wow. Who will I be on the other side?
My grid for this:
Ahhh, it felt better to make some art. To use this energy that keeps wanting to run it’s head against grief and sadness and to let it out the window a little, forge it into something, the forging, the making, it moves away from helplessness and into where the energy can move, can pick me up again.
The art play brought me to a more connected, loving & deeply glad state of being
I felt gladness for her, and ease. And love. Oh, so much love. And clarity. There is no end to love. It shifts and grows. I’ll always be her Mum. The games we get to play together shift now, and will always shift. I’m curious about the next fun, the next closeness, sweetness and adventures.
I’m curious about your deep and tender playing with now moments. We’re slowly building a nexus of conscious players here are so glad you’ve found us. Would love to have you shout out and introduce yourselves and your journey below.